Having read Twilight (only the first book) at the behest of my fifteen year old girl friend (I was fifteen, she was seventeen or eighteen. Her fondness of the book certainly wasn’t the only red flag.) I was pretty appalled. It’s a story of christian sexcapades, redundant and contradictory throughout. Essentially there is a vapid, worthless girl who falls in love with a G.A.E (good at everything) vampire. Now this G.A.E.V decides to like her back because he can’t read her mind, unlike every other human he’s come across. The female lead, Bella is literally the most vacant, not flushed out character I have ever read. She’s good at being bad at everything, and falling down a lot, but she some how gets some dreamy G.A.E. to like her, even though he’s a virgin and has never dated a girl before. He’s also a pedophile, hence him being like 100 years old or some shit. She’s 17.
I apologize if that previous paragraph was hard to follow, but that’s how ridiculous the book is, it’s toeing the line of having this easily-fillable character who wants to get boned by this scintillating god of unoriginality. It’s laughably and ironically pedantic, though having been written by a devout fucking mormon. It’s a culmination of repressed hormones and the inhibited lusts of a sheltered forty-something. And mind blowingly, gut wrenchingly, it somehow gets lapped up like ambrosia by girls that are my own goddamn age. I agree with the basic idea of the author in the rhetorical analysis, but I don’t see how they could write such a politically correct response to the subject without bleeding out of their eyes. This book is so outrageous it makes me feel guilty for not instituting a mass eugenics program targeting anyone related to anyone who has heard of this book.
Had this book been written by a good author who wasn’t a religious robot, it would have been so dark and twisted, it probably would have been banned. Honestly, read a quote:
"Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me i'm not a monster."
Wounded, shocked, i followed his instruction unthinkingly and then gasped.
What had happened to me? I couldn't make sense of the fluffy white snow that clung to my skin. I shook my head, and a cascade of white drfted out of my hair.
"Why am i covered in feathers?" I asked, confused.
"I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what i'm talking about, Bella."
"You bit a pillow. Why?"
"Look, Bella!" He took my hand. "Look at that!"
Under the dusting feathers, large purplish bruises were beginning to blossom across the pale skin of my arm. My eyes followed the trail they made up to my shoulder, and then down across my ribs. I throbbed a little.
"Oh," I said.
-Breaking Dawn
Because this shit is alright to put in a book for thirteen year olds. The worthless girl wakes up with amnesia, covered in bruises next to her much older husband. Oh, and then she gets pregnant. The “protagonist” is a completely empty character that any idiot girl can fill and then mentally enact their subdued lust for vampire ass with.
So after reading this book, the first book of a series in which a 104 year old Vampire fucks a 17 year old girl out of consciousness, finishes up, and subsequently gets her pregnant (It’s cool though, because they get married first.), I promptly tore out the pages, found a can of gasoline, and made myself a funeral pyre from which I was unfortunately rescued.
No comments:
Post a Comment